Letty Cottin Pogrebin - How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sic

Letty Cottin Pogrebin - How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who's Sick

96 Kbps, Unabridged, Read by Pam Ward


http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-to-be-a-friend-to-a-friend-whos-sick-letty-cottin-pogrebin/1112581009?ean=9781610392839

Overview

Everyone knows someone whoΓÇÖs sick or suffering. Yet when a friend or relative is under duress many of us feel uncertain about how to cope.
Throughout her recent bout with breast cancer, Letty Cottin Pogrebin became fascinated by her friendsΓÇÖ and familyΓÇÖs diverse reactions to her and her illness: how awkwardly some of them behaved; how some misspoke or misinterpreted her needs; and how wonderful it was when people read her right. She began talking to her fellow patients and dozens of other veterans of serious illness, seeking to discover what sick people wished their friends knew about how best to comfort, help, and even simply talk to them.

Now Pogrebin has distilled their collective stories and opinions into this wide-ranging compendium of pragmatic guidance and usable wisdom. Her advice is always infused with sensitivity, warmth, and humor. It is embedded in candid stories from her own and othersΓÇÖ journeys, and their sometimes imperfect interactions with well-meaning friends. How to Be a Friend to a Friend WhoΓÇÖs Sick is an invaluable guidebook for anyone hoping to rise to the challenges of this most important and demanding passage of friendship.

Publishers Weekly
Pogrebin, a veteran feminist, author, and cofounder (with Gloria Steinem) of Ms. magazine, uses her experience with breast cancerΓÇöshe was diagnosed in September 2009 at age 70ΓÇöand nearly 80 interviews with friends and patients to craft this bluntly practical and gently humorous guide to the dos and donΓÇÖts of caring for the ill. The list of tips is formidably long, and includes plenty of helpful advice: DonΓÇÖt ask ΓÇ£howΓÇ¥ someone is feeling, ask ΓÇ£whatΓÇ¥ theyΓÇÖre feeling; never start a sentence with ΓÇ£Oh my God!ΓÇ¥; and be sure to say things like, ΓÇ£Tell me how I can help,ΓÇ¥ and ΓÇ£IΓÇÖm bringing dinnerΓÇ¥ΓÇöor ice cream, laughter, or pot (to which she gives ΓÇ£the grand prize for Most Restorative GiftΓÇ¥). There are also accounts of patients themselves, like writer Nora Ephron, who surprisingly chose to keep her fatal illness a secret from friends. But itΓÇÖs the bravery and wisdom Pogrebin (Three Daughters) brought to her own battle that lifts this guide from a mere list of sickroom rules to invaluable lessons for sickness and health. Her cancer, she writes, ΓÇ£taught me the blessings of silenceΓÇ¥ and that there are times ΓÇ£when the kindest thing you can doΓÇ¥ for the ill ΓÇ£is to confer upon them the honor of the ordinary.ΓÇ¥

Kirkus Reviews
A cancer survivor channels her ordeal into reflections on the nature of empathy and friendships. Ms. magazine founding editor Pogrebin (Three Daughters, 2002, etc.) offers sound counsel to those comforting ailing friends. In 2009, a routine mammogram revealed a suspicious mass that not only changed the author's relationship to her body, but also the interactions with her friends, some of whom were hesitant to visit. Pogrebin's text serves her well as both an informative guide and an autobiographical chronicle. Evenly distributed throughout are personal interludes from her battle with breast cancer combined with helpful sections guiding those who are conflicted "when your role in the relationship is no longer easy or obvious." For many, she writes, worry for a friend's sudden or prolonged illness can be an intimidating, touchy subject, and communicating genuine concern could understandably be met with either graciousness or an irritable "Thank you for caring. Now leave me alone." The author's sharp advice illuminates many of the more common gray areas governing what to say to an ailing friend, appropriate visitation frequencies and durations, and proper gifting. She also provides tips for good behavior when a friend's parent or child is gravely ill. Much of this valuable "illness etiquette" comes from personal experience (Pogrebin's mother died of cancer) and from survival stories told to her by fellow patients. Illness, she writes, will often prove a friendship's mettle, and those who get it right will temper the unavoidable shame and embarrassment that often accompany serious health issues. A useful refresher course on navigating the complicated territory of compassionate companionship.