[cinemageddon.org] Kindergarten Ninja [1994/DVDRIP/XViD]

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Kindergarten Ninja.1994.DVDRIP.XViD-CG.avi





fileinfo



filename: Kindergarten Ninja.1994.DVDRIP.XViD-CG.avi

filesize: 779,603,968

video codec: XviD ISO MPEG-4

video bitrate: 1169kbps

duration: 1:17:07

resolution: 720*544

fps: 25.000

audio codec: 0x0055 MPEG-1 Layer 3

audio bitrate: 166kbps VBR



filminfo



Blade Steel is larger than life; football star, ladies' man and recklessly out

of control. When Steel (Dwight Clark) is arrested for drunk driving, the judge

sentences him to 90 days community service teaching children at a community

centre. Reluctant to give this task much effort, Steel is in for the surprise

of his life when a kung fu kicking angel named Bruce is sent from heaven to help

Blade save himself.



starring: dwight clarke, juan chapa, donald teague

director: anthony chan



http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0316111/
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notes



where to begin? before you even have a chance to marvel at the fact that "Blade

Steel" is not only really called that, but that he looks more like Al Bundy than

a nationally-respected footballer and high roller, you're confronted by the most

uncomfortable-looking policeman in the world reading a speech about how this

movie helps enforce the DARE message. that's right folks, this entire movie is

basically just Reefer Madness except demonstrably more hilarious in all ways.



basically, blade is a high-rolling well-loved football player who likes his girls

and his drink. obviously a much bigger threat to the world than psychopaths or

other nutjobs, god looks down upon blade from heaven (where the angels are clad

in white shirts and khaki slacks) and decides he must send "Bruce" the cliched

martial arts man down to earth to save blade from his life of debauchery. when

blade gets arrested for drink driving, he is forced to do 90 days of community

service at a grade school, which hilariously enough is the home ground of a new

drug dealer in town who pushes "buzz", a new incredibly addictive drug which

apparently tastes like sherbet, because he has 7-year-olds pushing it who he

proceeds to beat up if they don't make up quota for the week. if that wasn't

enough to mark this guy out as a bad guy, watch out for the words "BAD GUY!"

appearing underneath his face when he first appears on screen.



bruce's job, therefore, appears to be to make blade successfully complete his

mandated community service while a drug dealer happens to have his plans thwarted

at the same school. if becoming an angel is this easy then i think we're all

sorted.



i genuinely couldn't tell whether this movie was actually serious or taking the

piss for roughly the first hour. i have since come to the conclusion that it

is totally serious, and makes it even worse by attempting to lightheartedly

poke fun at itself, which backfires because it makes you think "why the fuck

did anyone ever think it was a good idea to make this?" i honestly don't know

the answer to that question, but it's for all our benefit that they did ;]





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