CLASSIC - The Howard Stern Show May 10th 2001

-- Thursday May 10, 2001 --
Various Stuff. 5/10/01. 6:05am
Howard said that his daughter came up to him and starting talking about one of Elton John's songs. She and Howard sang along together and Howard told her the name of the song was ''Tiny Dancer'' and she thought it was ''Tony Danza''. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about some of the other rock songs that people make mistakes with. AJ said his mother used to sing ''Way Down South'' instead of ''Lay Down Sally''.
Howard mentioned how comedian Craig Gass has been selling out at comedy clubs now that he's appearing on Howard's show. Craig e-mailed him and said that he doesn't know half of it. Craig gave Howard a list of the strange things that have been happening to him lately. He said that agents that would never even give him advice about his career in the past are now calling him and begging him to talk to them. He's getting auditions and call backs for sitcoms and he's doing voices for MTV's ''Celebrity Deathmatch'' and he's in talks to do other animated shows. That's just a couple of the things he's got in the works. AJ Benza, who was sitting in again this morning, said that he and his friends always do the ''Al Pacino's Baby'' voice because it's so funny.

Howard had this kid on the phone Monday who has spina bifida and wants a prom date this weekend. Howard was trying to hook him up with someone like Jaime Bergman from ''Son of the Beach'' but Gary said she wasn't willing to go. Gary said he's also contacted the Playboy people and they had to look into what they could do but it might be too late by the time they figure it out. Hiya the intern said she'd go with the high school student because she missed out on her own prom. Howard said they'll use her as their back-up girl if the Playboy thing falls through.

Howard said that there's a great animation on this Saturday's syndicated show where KC was talking about going to a tanning salon. Howard said he was cracking up watching the thing and the way the guy drew Gary is so funny he's thinking of starting a cartoon just based on Gary. In another cartoon Gary is shown as an ape man. Howard mentioned a few of the other things that are on the show this week too. Click here to see what's on.

Howard got back to the mistaken rock song lyrics. He had a few examples of them like Jimi Hendrix's ''scuse me while I kiss the sky'' is mistaken to be ''scuse me while I kiss this guy''. Gary mentioned Creedence Clearwater Revival's ''there's a bad moon on the rise'' is mistaken to be ''there's a bathroom on the right''. Howard went through a couple of others and they said that they got them out of the book ''Scuse Me... While I Kiss This Guy : And Other Misheard Lyrics''.
Howard moved on to talk about how he was used on Saturday night when he was invited to Judith Regan's book party. She sent out a press release and said it was a ''literary salon'' that she was holding and now Howard thinks that it makes him look like a homo. Howard then discussed some of the book titles that were turned down for his first book. He'd wanted to call it 'Mein Kampf'' or ''Penis'' but no one at the book company would allow either of them.

This guy Michael called in to talk about some new audio that's coming out soon. He said that there's new a new audio format called SACD (Super Audio CD) that's will be out soon. He said the audio will be sampled 2.83 million times a second instead of 44,000 times a second with the current format. He said there's also DVD Audio that's got a higher sample rate than current formats. Michael said that SACD is out now and there's some software out there. Vinnie Favale called in and said that all of this is just a scam to get people to buy all of their CDs over again. He said that he doesn't want to buy his whole collection over again. He also said that he thinks that portable digital audio is the future and this SACD isn't the way to go. Michael told him that it's not a scam of course.

Howard played tape of Gary Garver interviewing Tina, the winner of ''Survivor 2''. When Gary asked her why she didn't do the Howard Stern show she said that she doesn't think Howard is a nice person. Howard pointed out that he's never stolen someone's husband and she didn't ''play'' Colby for the million bucks. He said he hopes he runs into her some day so he can confront her on that stuff.

Melrose Larry Green called in and played tape of a news report about Robert Blake and how the cops searched his house again for evidence in his wife's murder.

Howard read an article about this high school kid, Derek Dubois, who wrote and sang a song about his English teacher Mrs. Dunn. Howard said they pulled the song off of Napster.com (under the file name 'Derek Dubois - Mrs Dunn Son.mp3') so he played it for us this morning. It was actually pretty good for a 14 year old. He sings about lusting after the teacher and crap like that. According to the article the teacher was so disturbed by the song that she had to take 3 days off. Howard later found out that there was a second song by the kid so he played some of that for us. It was just as funny as the first one. Howard was trying to get the kid on the phone to talk to him about the songs. Later in the show a reporter by the name of Tim called in to discuss it even more. The guy said the downloads have to be in the thousands by now because so many news people have been getting it. Tim said he was going to go over to the kid's house and try to get him to call Howard since his number is now unlisted. Howard said he'd love to talk to either the kid or the teacher.

Richard's 'Pull My Finger' Fart CDs. 5/10/01. 7:50am
Yesterday Howard played a couple of clips from this CD called ''Farts, Barfs And Belches, Pull My Finger 2''. It's a CD full of farts and other bodily functions. Howard wondered if this could possibly make money for the guy who put it out so he had him on the phone this morning to find out. Richard Halpern is the guy who put out two of these CDs. He told Howard he sold 120,000 of the first CD which is pretty amazing. Howard played a couple of clips which have goofy names like ''Vegas Buffet'', ''Leaky Faucet'' and ''Bowl Blow''. The guy said that he would hide a microphone in a public toilet and just record people taking a crap. They had one in a sandwich shop and one in the recording studio bathroom. They had a specially coated microphone that wouldn't get destroyed by the water in the toilet.
Howard ripped a fart for Richard and then Richard offered him $5000 for the sound effect if Howard would let him call it ''Howard Stern's Fart''. Howard told him he'd have to talk to his agent about doing that.

Richard told Howard that he made the CDs for about $1.50 each and sold them for $10.95 each. Gary figured out the numbers and came up with almost $1.7 Million gross sales. The guy made about a million bucks selling fart sounds! Howard said he had no idea there was money in farts. He's flushed away money all these years.

Howard also played some of the vomit sounds. Robin was about to say that they're not that funny but one of the clips actually was funny to her.

Howard played a bunch of clips and tried to get Richard to recognize and name them. Richard got every one wrong but he said he just hasn't been able to listen to them all enough.

Howard tried ripping a couple for Richard again. One of them didn't quite make it out and Howard almost crapped his pants. Richard named that one ''Feces Pieces''.

The first CD, ''Pull My Finger: The Fart CD'', is available at amazon.com. You can find the new CD and some clips from the first CD at PullMyFinger.com

Ex-Wrestler Mick Foley And Elephant Boy Come In. 5/10/01. 8:25am
Ex-wrestler Mick Foley and Fred the Elephant Boy came in this morning to talk to Howard. Elephant Boy, who just returned to the show after taking some time away for some reason, is a huge wrestling fan and he used to hang out with Mick when he was known as Cactus Jack. Fred became the major focus of the interview because he's finally returned to the show. Fred started to explain why he'd left but Gary came in and made the story more understandable. Gary said that Fred was all freaked out by the whole porn movie thing that he was involved with. He'd done a porn where some chick had put something in a bad place on him and Howard was trying to get him some money. Then the show asked Fred to do the Wack Pack Gang Bang and he refused. He then took some time off from the show and thought that they didn't want him coming on. Now everything is straightened out.
Fred tells us that he's still dating the chick he's been dating for years now. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio and there is talk of them getting married. Fred says if they do get married he'll be moving to Cleveland.

Mick said he was happy to see Fred and all but he's got a book to promote today. He had to sit through the whole fart CD thing and he just wanted to get some plugs in. Howard told him that Fred was fascinating and they'd get to his plugs shortly. Mick then told Fred to hold his book while Howard talked to him.

Howard finally moved on to talk to Mick about his new book ''Foley Is Good: And the Real World Is Faker Than Wrestling'' which is out now. In the book he talks about Fred the Elephant Boy. Mick says that Fred was the first celebrity he'd ever met. He'd been wrestling for years and after he met Fred he went on Howard's show. After that his career took off. He told Howard that at one point in his life Fred inadvertently caused some friction in his marriage. Mick said his wife doesn't allow him to watch porno. Fred had given him Howard's ''Butt Bongo Fiesta'' tape and Mick was caught watching it one night. He tried to convince his wife it wasn't porno but the tape quickly vanished. Mick said that Fred then kept calling him asking for the tape and he didn't know where it was. So there was actually friction between his wife and, at the same time, Fred.

Mick says he and Fred are still friends but they don't hang around together like they used to. He says that Fred has been on the show with him every time he's been on so far. He said he'd feel naked without him there.

Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls for Mick. There was one call for Fred too. The caller said that Fred hit a turkey with his car out in Pennsylvania somewhere recently. Fred explained, in his unique way... barely understandable, that he hit a Canadian Goose that was flying across the road. It smashed his windshield and he had to pull over. He went to a convenience store and tried to get some help. The caller said his buddy told him that no one understood him so they had to find someone to interpret his mumbling, tongue-twisting speech. The caller told Howard that Fred would try to call someone to replace his windshield and they'd hang up on him thinking he was retarded.

Fred the Elephant Boy will be appearing in the NWA Jersey event at Keansburg High School in Keansburg, NJ on May 12. Mick will be making a bunch of book signing appearances in the near future. You can find out more about Mick's and where he'll be appearing on his web site MickFoley.com

Donald Trump Calls In. 5/10/01. 10:20am
Donald Trump called in very late in the show today to promote the Miss Universe competition that's happening Friday night. AJ Benza, who was sitting in this morning, doesn't like Trump so Howard got the two of them started immediately. Trump told Howard that he doesn't hate AJ but he knows why AJ doesn't like him. Trump stole his girlfriend from him and that's why he hates him so much. AJ was dating some chick by the name of Kara Young. The two of them split up when AJ moved to L.A. from New York. Kara then met Trump and started dating him. AJ is saying that Trump stole her away the second time he started dating her. Trump said he didn't knowingly do that to him. He said he never knew that she was dating AJ at the same time. AJ says he's lying about that and he should have given up on Kara when he knew that AJ wanted her. Trump says that AJ wrote some lies in his book about the whole thing. The two of them went at each other for a good half hour or so. Trump was being nice for a few minutes but he eventually started calling AJ a loser. AJ made jokes about Trump's hair and stuff like that. At one point he threatened to kill Trump but then took it back and said he was going to beat him up pretty bad. He also threatened Trump that he was going to date his daughter Ivanka when she gets a little older. Trump told him he doesn't have a chance of that happening.
Gary eventually got this Kara Young on the phone to try and straighten things out. She basically backed up what Trump was saying but not exactly. She said that she did meet Trump when she was still dating AJ. AJ said that was a technicality and Trump was dating her when she was still going with him. It was all a bunch of crap but the fighting was funny as hell. Earlier AJ had said that Trump was still calling Kara incessantly trying to get her back. Kara said she didn't want to comment on that because Donald is dating someone now. By the end of the segment, around 11 o'clock, AJ was apologizing to Trump for yelling at him.

All Trump was calling in for was to promote the Miss Universe Pageant that airs Friday night at 9pm on CBS. Howard got around to plugging that at the end of his call. Howard then spent a couple of minutes talking to him about Miss France who was rumored to have been a man at one point in her life. Trump said it turns out she was never a man and if she had been, she would have been disqualified. This will probably be replayed on tomorrow's show because Howard thought it was great radio. He told Donald that he was going to promote the Miss Universe Pageant like crazy on the show tomorrow.