Classic The Howard Stern Show May 7 2001

Various Stuff. 5/7/01. 6:05am
Comedian Artie Lange was sitting in this morning. Artie co-stars on ''Norm'' with Norm Macdonald. Robin said she almost hit him with her car as she was coming in this morning. He was crossing the street and she almost ran him over. She thought ''Oh, that looks like Artie Lange'' and kept driving. Then she finds out he's on the show this morning. She noticed that he's lost quite a bit of weight. She said he's ''svelte'' looking now. Artie says that he'll probably lose out on a bunch of parts because of this weight loss. Howard asked Artie about ''Norm'' and if he's still on the show. Artie said he's still on it but he's not sure if it's going to be on the air much longer. He said they'll find out in a couple of weeks but ''if they judge it by the ratings...'' then they're in trouble. Howard said he'd like to watch the show but he never gets the chance. Artie said they put it on Friday nights at 8:30 and there aren't many people around then to watch it.
Colby from ''Survivor 2'' will be on later today but the winner, Tina, won't. Howard said that's just fine, he still wants to interview Colby about what the hell he was thinking keeping Tina around for the final round.

Howard later spoke to Artie about working on ''Norm'' and what that's like. Artie said it's a great job. He said he gets like 12 lines a week and they're really easy to learn. He said he walks around the Warner Bros. Set and he can go over to check out Jennifer Aniston's ass over at the ''Friends'' set. He said there are a lot of hot chicks just walking around the set. Artie goes to the gym on the set and he can hang around hot chicks all day. The only problem is that no one recognizes him from ''Norm''. They've asked him if he works in the background of the show. They don't realize that he's a major character on the show.

Artie also shot his own pilot that was the worst show he's ever done. He said he was playing a bookie's runner and it was just awful. He said it was thrown together real quick and it wasn't that great. He said he got about $750,000 for the development deal.

Crazy Cabbie Annoys Howard. 5/7/01. 6:30am
Howard admits he made a mistake giving Crazy Cabbie his personal e-mail address. Howard said the guy constantly forwards him any positive e-mails he gets but Howard just deletes them. Then last night he got an e-mail from Cabbie in which he complains about being called a ''Wack Packer'' on the syndicated Saturday night show over the weekend. Howard had Cabbie on the phone and he read the e-mail to all of us. Cabbie asks Howard if he thinks of him as a wack packer. Howard just yelled ''I DON'T CARE!'' Howard told Cabbie that if he doesn't like it, go to Scott Einziger who produces the show and ask him not to call him a wack packer. Cabbie thinks it's a slap in the face and he's even posting messages on the web about it. Howard told him to forget Wack Packer and how about Fudge Packer. That might be more fitting.
Howard also talked about Cabbie going to Scores last week and how he left early. Cabbie claims it was because he didn't want to be tempted by alcohol. Howard thinks he didn't want to be tempted by men. Gary came in and said that Cabbie went on the air that night and complained about the Scores girls and how ugly they were. Howard tried to explain to him that not all women are perfect and those women are willing to take their clothes off. Cabbie said he just complained about one woman having body odor and another one who was just plain ugly. Howard said he was hearing other things that Cabbie was saying and it was more than just that. Howard said he's going to get tape of it to find out exactly what he said. Cabbie says that he can get hot chicks of his own all the time. Howard has yet to see any of those chicks but Cabbie says he'll bring one in sometime.

Cabbie told Howard that he's making an appearance this afternoon in Bryant Park where they're having a fight ring set up so Brian Joffee will be working out for an upcoming fight. And as always.. Cane and Cabbie, 6 to 10 on K-Rock in New York.

Howard Talks About Robert Blake. 5/7/01. 6:45am
Howard wanted to talk about the bizarre death of actor Robert Blake's wife. He first talked about how strange the guy was when he appeared on the show back in 1993. Blake stared him down and he was just an angry, tough guy. Howard said he was scary but he was a good interview because of that.
Howard heard about Blake's wife getting killed over the weekend. Howard thought the story sounded kind of odd. Blake was out to dinner with his wife. They left the restaurant they were at and Blake put his wife in his car. He'd forgotten his gun at the restaurant so he went back to get it. Howard read that Blake carried a gun because his wife thought that someone was after her and she was afraid she was being stalked. Blake came back to his car and found his wife slumped over in the car. Howard said he's waiting for more info on this story because it might get interesting.

Melrose Larry Green called in and complained about Cabbie getting air time. Melrose hates Cabbie but Howard told Melrose that he hates him too. Get over it. Melrose also had tape to play from a news report in L.A. about Blake's wife's murder. Howard and the crew listened and Melrose asked if they wanted to hear another one. Howard heard enough with the one. Howard continued to talk about how Blake could have forgotten a gun in the restaurant. People who carry a gun don't take it out of whatever it is they're holding it with. Howard thinks that the guy probably doesn't even have a carry permit for the gun. There are a lot of weird details in the woman's life so it is possible someone was after her. She apparently thought that she'd gotten pregnant by Christian Brando within the past couple of years but it turned out to be Blake's baby. She allegedly wanted to get famous and she thought the only way she could do that was by getting impregnated by someone famous. That's what she did and now it seems to have worked.

Bobby's Prom Date Wish. 5/7/01. 7:40am
This kid Bobby was on the phone this morning to find out if Howard can get him a prom date. Bobby has Spina Bifida so he's confined to a wheelchair. His mother wrote Howard this letter to find out if he could help Bobby get a date with Jennifer Love Hewitt, Julia Stiles, Britney Spears, James King or Jessica Alba. Howard told the kid that any one of those chicks will probably just stand there watching her watch the whole prom. Bobby said he doesn't care though. Howard then thought that perhaps he could guilt trip someone like model James King into going with the kid. Howard also found out that Bobby is home schooled so he wondered how he's going to a prom. Bobby said he's not allowed to go to school because he could get sick from the poor air circulation there. He said the prom is different because it's not being held at the school.
Howard went through tons of hot chicks and he finally came up with either Leila Arcieri or Jaime Bergman from ''Son of the Beach''. He said he'll find someone hot for the kid to go with. Bobby also said that anyone who's interested in going with him can e-mail him at PromDate4Adams@aol.com

Colby From ''Survivor 2'' Comes In. 5/7/01. 8:05am
Shortly before Colby Donaldson from ''Survivor 2'' came in Howard said that Gary ran into host Jeff Probst over the weekend. Gary says that Jeff agrees with Howard that Colby was totally played by Tina in the game. Howard said that she totally played in and fooled him into keeping her in the final round of the game.
Colby came in a short time later and Howard asked him how he got his teeth so white. Colby said that he had them treated with a tooth whitener while he was working for some dental practice or something like that. He said he had his last treatment in 1997 so it's worked pretty well.

Howard told Colby he was surprised to learn what he actually does for a living. Colby does car restorations for older cars. He said he's working on a '69 Suburban right now. He says he doesn't make much money doing that but he enjoys it. He said the people who have their cars done with him aren't usually in a rush to have them so he can get them perfect. Speaking of cars, Howard brought up the hideous Pontiac Aztek that Colby won at one point. Colby said the interior of the vehicle was cool but the exterior was kind of ''strange''. He said he hasn't even gotten the car yet.

Howard was curious about how Colby could have missed his mother so much while he was there playing the game. Colby said that he and his mother are very close but they don't live together or anything like that. Howard thought the whole thing seemed kind of strange because they both slept in the back of the Aztek together. Howard thinks that's also how Tina played him. He thinks that Tina came off as the ''good mom'' to Colby and he got suckered. Colby said that he and Tina just started playing the game together early and they stuck together right until the end. Colby told Howard that if Tina had won the final immunity challenge she would have picked him to go to the final round. Howard doesn't think so. He thinks that Tina isn't the person he thinks she is.

Colby claims that the money wasn't all that important to him but when Howard asked him if he would have chosen Tina if the prize money was $10 million, he said ''probably not''. So basically he's saying that the $1 million prize isn't enough. Howard just couldn't understand why the guy didn't just play the game and pick Keith to go to the final round. He would have almost been guaranteed to win if he'd done that.

Howard asked Colby if he thinks Tina had a face lift. Colby said he doesn't think she did. He thinks it was just the weight she gained back and the makeup she had on. Howard also asked him about her breasts. Howard thinks they're implants but Colby didn't really say what he thinks. He did say that she's got a great body and a great chest but he doesn't know if they're fake.

Howard told Colby he was very happy to have him on the show because others have refused to come on. Rodger and Elisabeth are just two that refused to come on. Howard also brought up how he thinks that there may have been a couple of gay people on the show. He guesses that perhaps ''Mad Dog'' Maralyn and maybe Jeff Varner were gay but he doesn't know that for sure.

Howard got to talking about some of the hot chicks on the show. Colby agreed that Elisabeth was really hot and even Amber was a hottie. Colby said that Amber did a photo shoot for Stuff magazine and she looked really hot in the shots he got to see. Colby also said he thought that Elisabeth got better looking as the game went on. He said he was upset to hear that she actually got engaged because that means he doesn't have a shot with her now. Howard doesn't believe that everyone's sex drive goes away when they play the game. Colby said he wouldn't believe it either until it happened to him. He said it goes away pretty quick once you get there.

Howard let a bunch of phone callers talk to Colby. A few of them told him he blew the game but no one was vicious about it. One guy asked Colby if he'd date his sister. Howard asked Colby if he gets hot chicks and if he's ever dated a ''Playboy'' quality woman. Colby said he doesn't date ugly chicks, that's for sure. He is able to get some hot chicks but he's never dated a model.

Colby said that Tina agreed to buy him a Harley Davidson motorcycle after the game since she won. Howard and Artie Lange told him he'll probably never get that motorcycle. Especially after a woman called in who claimed to be the wife of the guy that Tina allegedly stole.

Howard's Weekend. 5/7/01. 8:55am
Howard spent a little while talking about his weekend. On Friday he went out to a French restaurant called Chantaral with his girlfriend Beth. He talked about the food and how good it was. He said he'd gotten a gift certificate from E!'s John Reiber for $250 for this place. The meal ended up costing $249 so it was basically free except for the tip. Howard left $100. The restaurant was nice except for some guy who stared at him the whole time.
On Saturday night Howard went to a dinner party with publisher Judith Regan. Howard went to a restaurant called Palma but he didn't eat in the restaurant. Howard said this woman Palma has her apartment above the restaurant and the dinner party was held in her kitchen which has a big table in it. He said he met some cool people at the party. He met the NY City police commissioner and he was a cool guy. They spoke for a while and Howard met some other writers and people like that. There was someone there that Howard just hates personally but he wouldn't mention his name. He just said that the guy makes him sick and he has no respect for him at all. Howard said that the guy shook his hand but when Howard realized who it was he just pulled his hand away and walked off.

Later that night Howard got a call from Ralph who said there was a model party to go to. Howard figured ''what the hell'' and went to this place called The Park. He said a bunch of guys came up to him and said they like the show which he was happy to hear. Then Howard met basketball player Reggie Miller. Reggie told Howard he was coming on the show but he can't ask him about some litigation he's got going on. Robin told Howard she's got tons of questions for him.

Howard said Ralph and this guy Jon Favreau were hanging out with him at this model party. Jon told Howard that the chicks at the party were circling him but he didn't see it. Ralph was on the phone and he said the girls were gravitating toward Howard. He just doesn't pay attention to it.

Howard also got to meet model Nikki Hilton who turned out to be 17 years old. Howard was talking about her recently on the show and said that he'd like to get her on the show so he could try to bang her. That won't happen now that he knows she's only 17.

A phone caller asked Howard why he used to tell Stuttering John and Gary that they should never get married. He used to tell them to go out banging different chicks every night. Now he's in a relationship with this Beth chick saying that he's not dating anyone else. Both Gary and Stuttering John came in and confronted Howard about that. Howard says that he'll never get married again. He just enjoys hanging out with Beth and if it ever gets old, they'll go their separate ways. Howard still says that Gary is a guy who should have never gotten married. He still thinks that Gary's marriage will end up in divorce. Gary told Howard he'll laugh at Howard when he gets married again just like Howard laughed at him when he got married.

Comedian Dave Chappelle came in very late this morning. He told Howard that it took him like and hour and a half to hail a cab. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about a bunch of crap before Robin started her news segment.