FF K'sChoiceofAFI - [FaBerry] What Doors May Open

AU. Rachel comes out as gay after dumping Finn. People slowly start to find out and, when Head Cheerio, Quinn Fabray finds out, Rachel knows her life will never be the same again.





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Prologue

"So, you're gay?"

Rachel's eyes clenched shut with a tight nod.

Finn scratched at the five o'clock shadow on his face that was beginning to irritate his skin. "Have you always been gay, or…"

A tear slid down Rachel's cheek at the question. Two strong arms wrapped around her waist and she collapsed against Finn with a choked sob. "Hey, it's okay, you know? It's—yeah, no—that's fine."

"It's not okay," Rachel sobbed into his shirt. She clutched a scrap of flannel into her hand and held tightly as tears streamed down her face. There was a niggling thought in the back of her mind that kept reminding her how selfish she was being. Here she was, breaking up with Finn and adding insult to injury by telling him she had been gay the entire time they were together. And instead of comforting Finn on the whole issue, Finn was comforting her. With that thought causing bile and guilt to churn inside of her, Rachel pulled back, wiping at her tears as she sat straighter on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Finn," she mumbled as she wiped at her eyes. "I shouldn't be the one crying and throwing a pity party, it's just—"

"Hey, look, I get it." He rubbed the palms of his hands down the front of his jeans. "Umm, being gay isn't easy or whatever. It's cool, really."

Rachel huffed out a laugh because his statement sounded more patronizing than sympathizing even though she knew he didn't mean it that way. "Thank you, Finn."

He nodded, giving her a thumbs up with a cheesy grin. This time she did laugh and it kind of hurt because for all of his flaws, Finn Hudson was a great guy that would make some woman happy some day.

"So, what now?" Finn asked, leaning back on his hands on her bed.

Rachel took her bottom lip between her teeth in uncertainty. "I don't really know."

"I mean, are you like, gonna come out or something?"

"Goodness, no!" She nearly had a heart attack at the mere thought. "I'm already an outcast at school; I can't have anyone there knowing that I'm a lesbian." Her wide gaze rounded on him. "And you can't tell anyone, Finn, promise me."

"Yeah—no, definitely. I won't."

She nodded and turned back around to stare at her yellow bedroom walls. Her hands fidgeted nervously in her lap and she clasped them together, squeezing them between her clenched thighs in an attempt to stop the nervous tick.

Finn rubbed a hand through his hair and shifted on her bed to ask, "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

Rachel ducked her head with a sheepish blush. "I have not."

"Well, then how do you know you're gay?" His face scrunched up. "Wait—you didn't like, make out with me and then decide—I didn't turn you gay, did I?"

Rachel pressed a hand to her mouth and giggled, shaking her head. "No, Finn. People don't turn gay—we're born that way."

He hummed in approval of her answer and the fact that nothing he did made her gay because, ouch. No man needs that. He turned towards her. "Have you ever thought about it, you know, kissing a girl?"

Her eyes widened comically as she looked up at Finn. "I'm not—I don't…really know how to answer that question."

The corners of his mouth lifted into an amused grin. "It's a yes or no, Rachel."

"Well, I suppose I've at least entertained the thought once or twice." Her hands had somehow pried themselves from where they were wedged to start fidgeting again as she looked nearly anywhere but at Finn.

"Who was the girl?" he asked curiously.

She tugged on the edge of her skirt. "It's no one, really."

Finn turned towards her eagerly. "Can I guess?"

It was a dangerous game to play and Rachel couldn't help but shoot up from her seat. "It's probably best that we don't, Finn." She walked aimlessly around her room, coming to stand in front of her desk.

Finn stood up as well, hesitantly walking towards her. Her hair had fallen along her shoulder to shield her face from his gaze and he stood just a few feet away, not liking that he couldn't see her face. "Hey, if you're uncomfortable, I'm sorry."

"No, that's hardly the problem." She smoothed her hair behind her ear and Finn breathed easier when he could see her profile.

"Is it someone I know?" he asked tentatively.

Rachel sighed, bracing her hands on the desk. "Yes, Finn."

Finn took a step closer. "Is it Tina? 'Cause I know you two are kinda close and everything, 'cause she's like, your only friend or whatever. And, I mean, I remember you telling me how she sang I Kissed a Girl as her audition song for Glee, so—"

"It's not Tina," Rachel said carefully.

"Mercedes?"

She shook her head.

Finn frowned. "We don't have any other girls in glee club."

"We have—" she took a deep breath. "We have exactly three former glee club members as of now."

"But, that would—those are—" Finn's eyebrows shot up along his forehead. "Those would be Cheerios."

Rachel's hand trembled as she tried to nonchalantly pick up the pen on her desk. "That's correct."

"That would be either…Quinn, Santana, or Brittany."

She licked her lips nervously. "Uh huh," was all she could manage, voiced pitched precariously high because he was so close to hitting the nail on the head and Rachel felt she would faint if/when he finally did.

Finn jammed his hands into his pockets, looking all around the room before his gaze landed back on Rachel. "Was it Brittany?"

"It was not."

He didn't say anything for a long time. And for a while Rachel thought, hoped, wished he would stop because neither of them were ready to go where this conversation was going. She had already dropped one huge bombshell on him today, he didn't need another and she wasn't ready for another.

"Was…was it Santana?" he asked, practically begged and Rachel's eyes clenched shut because it wasn't her and she whined internally at having to answer the question.

"Finn, we really don't need to do this," she assured as she backed away from her desk to look up at him. She forced a wide smile and clasped her hands in front of her as if to show she had nothing to hide. "It's silly anyway. They were just little, frivolous thoughts that didn't mean anything then and don't mean anything no—"

"Was it Quinn?"

Her sentence ended with a strained, garbled sound of surprise at his audacity to more or less know the answer, yet ask anyway. She nodded faintly, just once.