Starcrash (1978) with MST3K style commentary

Starcrash! An amazing film from 1978 starring the luscious Caroline

Munro and her minimalist wardrobe of leather space bikinis. David

Hasselhoff's got eye makeup and a lightsaber, and Christopher

Plummer IS the confused, golden-caped Emperor of the Entire

Universe. An Italian Star Wars ripoff of the most blatant and inept

kind, filmed in English, from a French DVD.



Thanks to Cosmobells.



I have provided my own [optional] MST3K-style commentary for

this film. Frankly I think the movie is funny enough without

commentary, but I hope I provide a few chuckles along the way.



The commentary is an MP3, separate from the film, which can be

watched without commentary.



See sexy space smuggler Stella Star do battle with amazon women

for no reason! See stop-motion special effects that look like they

were done by Ray Harryhausen's blind retarded brother! With a score

by four time Academy Award winner John Barry (James Bond films),

who clearly needed the money.



Caroline Munro is probably the only real reason to watch this film,

but it is an incredibly hilarious movie, the perfect late-70s Star Wars

ripoff to watch while drunk.



The creepy Marjoe Gortner plays Akton, who with his blonde perm

and man-makeup looks like a hellish clone of Mork from Ork, or the

Greatest American Hero. He apparently has all sorts of special

powers which are never explained. He dies on purpose for no reason.



There's also a green guy called Thor who no one likes, a cowboy

robot who could be Darth Vader's redneck cousin, the hilariously evil

Count Zarth Arn and his stop-motion robots who look sort of like

Tinkertoy renditions of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.



David Hasselhoff, playing Prince Simon, doesn't show up til toward the

end, but the Baywatch / Knight Rider star doesn't disappoint, first

wearing a goofy gold mask, then showing his skills with a lightsaber (!)

.... Like most of the men in this film, he also wears an incredible

amount of eye makeup.



There are also some stupid cavemen. I preferred the Amazon Girls

myself.



Oh, and an embarrassed, confused-looking Christopher Plummer, as

the golden-caped Emperor of the Entire Universe, has the ability to stop

time! Apparently. His performance is wonderfully vague.



Will the babelicious Stella Star and redneck robot Elle defeat whatever

they're supposed to be defeating? Who knows? Who cares? At least

she dresses in a Vampirella - like leather space bikini for most of the film.



Even by MST3K standards this film beggars belief. This was released on

VHS in the US by Roger Corman, but he actually cut out some of the more

wonderfully awkward moments. This is the French version, "Le Choc Des

Etoiles," which is uncut, and available in a 2-DVD set featuring a making

of documentary and "Starcrash 2," an even worse movie featuring none

of this movie's cast and all of this movie's effects.



I understand a proper American DVD is coming October 17, 2009. I hope

it's uncut.



Directed by Luigi Cozzi. With Marjoe Gortner, Caroline Munro,

Christopher Plummer, David Hasselhoff.

Commentary by Garrett Gilchrist.