Texts from Jane Eyre - Mallory Ortberg.epub

“In Texts from Jane Eyre Mallory Ortberg hilariously proves that she understands fictional characters better than they understand themselves. She makes me laugh like no one else.”
—Rainbow Rowell
bestselling author of Eleanor & Park and Fangirl

Hilariously imagined text conversations—the passive aggressive, the clever, and the strange—from classic and modern literary figures, from Scarlett O’Hara to Jessica Wakefield
Mallory Ortberg, the co-creator of the cult-favorite website The Toast, presents this whimsical collection of hysterical text conversations from your favorite literary characters. Everyone knows that if Scarlett O’Hara had an unlimited text-and-data plan, she’d constantly try to tempt Ashley away from Melanie with suggestive messages. If Mr. Rochester could text Jane Eyre, his ardent missives would obviously be in all-caps. And Daisy Buchanan would not only text while driving, she’d text you to pick her up after she totaled her car.
Based on the popular web-feature, Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, irreverent mashup that brings the characters from your favorite books into the twenty-first century.


“Dear Mallory Ortberg’s Publisher: Please send me 27 cases of Texts from Jane Eyre, because I ate it like it was candy coated in crack cocaine, it’s the best, and I need to give it to everyone.”
—Elizabeth Gilbert
bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love and The Signature of All Things

“I'm not sure what's more impressive--the ferocity of Mallory Ortberg's intelligence or the ferocity of her wit. Texts from Jane Eyre is uncanny in its sly humor and still, there is much in these pages that is familiar. Ortberg takes some of the greatest literary characters (and a few lesser ones), and offers us an entirely new and thrilling way of thinking about them and what they might be like in this dazzling digital age.”
—Roxane Gay
author of An Untamed State and Bad Feminist

“Witty and literate. Smart-ass humor with an emphasis on smart. I'm not sure who I'm more jealous of: Mallory Ortberg for her comic brilliance, or whoever got to sit next to her in high school English.”
—Adam Bertocci
author of Two Gentlemen of Lebowski

“Mallory Ortberg is actually, literally the funniest person on the internet. It turns out she has also read everything. This is the smartest, most highbrow, most sophisticated literary book that will ever make you pee yourself in public.”
—Rachel Fershleiser
co-creator of the New York Times bestselling Six-Word Memoir books