The Ricky Gervais Guide To.... The Future
1. Introductions (0:00)
Ricky starts by recounting a famous quote before introducing himself, Steven Merchant and Karl Pilkington, with the usual effects.
2. 75 Years From Now (0:21)
Ricky starts by taxing Karls brain about what will have happened 75 years from now in the future. It will no longer matter what gender you are, what job you are in and how far it will have advanced. Karl counters this by saying the theory he heard was that the population would not grow as people would progress to become more ugly, therefore people will not have as many relationships, therefore not as many children will have been born. Ricky and Steve try to tell Karl how his theory does not work, to much success. Karl believes that we are now better looking then we was in the 1950s, unable to understand that simply fashion has changed. Karl starts saying how recently he has watched his little finger and it is doing nothing, and will therefore in 75 years time be gone. Ricky explains to him how evolution does not happen this quickly.
3. Technology Intergration (6:50)
Steve starts talking about how the advances of technology in the future is fascinating, how people will be able to access the internet from inside their own minds. Within seconds Karl takes it to far and suddenly wonders about how the computer will know more then humanity. Karl would then only use a chip in his head that links him to the internet, so he isn't himself any more. Ricky explains how the human bodies brain is incredible and that's where the information is coming from that ends up on Google. Ricky recounts when he played an animal parlour games with Karl who had to say an animal with the letter starting 'D', immediately getting worried and shouting "EGG!".
4. Filling Your Head With Stuff (11:35)
Karl believes that the eyes are getting weaker over time when people are reading to much, his evidence for this is glasses, which he believes is definite proof. He knows that there is a 'snobbery' to education and that getting one question right about a subject on a game show is better than getting 40 right about coronation street. Ricky and Steve agree with Karl on a rare occasion.
5. Pop On The Sat Nav (17:00)
Karl goes on to explain about the theoretical life of a baby who at the age of 2 gets a chip planted into his head, making him want to be and have the knowledge of a plumber when he grows up. begins to think that people using the Sat Nav is lazy compared to using their own brain and that it's the start of all this computer 'chip' business. Ricky then initiates a role-play where Ricky tries to teach him it's simply easier then using an A-Z and is safer then flipping through the book when your driving. Karl tries to get his point across by showing of the times when he got lost and how he has found places he wouldn't have otherwise, like a café or fancy dress shop. Karl then says that putting the chip into the head would not work.
6. Karl's Predictions Of The Future (21:40)
Ricky asks Karl to come up with five ideas that he think will have happened in the future for people to find later on inscribed on a museum wall:
1: "Trousers are gonna stop being made" ; Karl reckons that peoples trousers are getting lower and lower as you can see peoples underpants and this is their way of evolving. 2: "We're gonna get weaker" ; Karl thinks this has already happened as the phrase 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away" was used in the past and know people are telling you to eat five fruit and veg a day. He then realizes that should have gone first so people would listen to what else he has to say. 3: "We'll blend all our food" ; People are becoming lazier and people want foods to be soft and easy to eat. Chewing is a thing of the past 4: "Glasses that let you live where you want to live" ; When looking through these glasses real world items look different to incorporate what you want to see. 5: "More letters in the alphabet" ; According to Karl we are running out of words, which Ricky dismisses as nonsense.
7. Final Day (29:30)
Steve starts talking about what would happen on the last day of the planet. He thinks he go mental like smash a bar or kill a person simply because there are no consequences. Ricky says he wouldn't be able to do this as he would find it hard to challenge his morality. Karl says he has always wanted to kick a duck up the arse.
8. Don't Worry about the Chaos Theory (32:00)
Ricky goes to ask Karl about where he would go in time if he could but fails and Karl interrupts the question. It turns out Karl doesn't believe in the Chaos Theory, saying he does not believe that one small event would change the future. He imposes that if a butterfly was meant to fly into a car and accidentally cause a crash, he would just replace it with a wasp.
9. Karl used to have Hair (35:00)
Ricky, Steve and Karl talk about how they imagined themselves in the future and how they have eventually turned out, unfortunately not as Steve wanted too. Karl tells them he didn't have any hopes or dreams of the future until he was a teenager, so he started doing boxing and dancing, neither of which lasted long. Karl says that nobody should never have any hopes for the future as they will be disappointed if they don't achieve these goals, saying people should just wait and see what happens. Steve then ridicules Karl because what he is saying is wrong and affecting the mind of every child listening to the audio book.
10. The X-Ray Factor (45:05)
Ricky and Karl come up with the idea of a show called The X-Ray Factor. Here people who are on the waiting list for certain operations have a chance to come on stage on a Saturday night, in front of all the cameras to have the operation performed by a complete novice. For the final Karl planned a Heart Transplant. Ricky believes it is stupid that everybody wants to be a doctor. Karl wishes he had a dream of being a doctor when he was younger, but now thinks it is to late for that to ever happen.
11. Next Up: Guide To... The Human Body (51:30)
Ricky wraps up the audio book, declaring the next one will be entitled "The Ricky Gervais Guide To... The human Body"
Cheers
PBoy
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