Understand Body Language (Teach Yourself) - Gordon Wainwright.pdf

Introduction
Language is about communication. We tend to think that means
spoken, but you may be surprised to learn that 90 per cent of
what we communicate with each other is unspoken, in the form of
non-verbal 'signals' we give each other through eye contact, facial
expressions, gestures, postures and a variety of sounds and other
sensory cues. This is the language of the body. We use it all the time,
some of us more effectively than others, and a lot of the time without
even realizing we are using it. We start learning it in childhood, just as
we learn to speak our own mother tongue by picking up words and
meanings from our parents and those around us. But the difference is
that while mistakes in our spoken language tend to be corrected, they
can be missed, or misinterpreted, in our body language - so you can
grow up not realizing you are communicating badly, or ineffectively.
Hence the reason for this book.

These signals and cues transmit information about our motives,
intentions and feelings. We use the language of the body to
convey all kinds of messages and meanings and most of us take
this process for granted, never realizing that it takes place at a
subconscious, rather than a conscious, level. Just think about it
for a minute. Winks, blinks, nods, sighs and grunts - how many
of these are you really aware of in the process of communication?
The point is that language doesn't have to be in the form of words
for your meaning to be grasped by someone else. The way you
use your body to emphasize or suggest, to inform, illustrate, or
even manipulate, is like 'punctuation'. Without it, meaning and
emphasis is lost.
You only have to think about the people you most admire, or
dislike, to understand the significance of this body talk - the
charismatic ones who seem to draw people to them like magnets,
the irritating ones who always seem to get in your way, the
ones you envy who never seem to put a foot wrong, the quiet
ones whose eyes are like rapiers. Something about their physical
presence 'talks' to you. Very often the actual words we use to
describe behaviour are reflected in our body language. For example,
moody people tend to look 'down in the mouth', confident people
are said to be 'laid back', assertive people 'reach out', and so
forth. Because we're not very good at recognizing the connections
between body language and states of mind, we often fail to make
the best of ourselves, or the relationships we have with others.
It's only when we look more closely that we begin to reveal things
about ourselves and others that we've missed in the course of our
busy, everyday lives. If you don't think you are making the best of
yourself in personal relationships, at work, or just in your everyday
contact with people, the explanations, exercises and experiments at
the end of each chapter should help. You probably want to know
how to become more skilled in the use of body language and in
understanding other people's use of it. A lot of research has been
carried out on non-verbal communication over the past few decades
in strangely named disciplines like paralinguistics, proxemics,
chronemics, kinesics and neurolinguistic programming.

But don't worry about the specialist terms, body language isn't rocket science.
Improving your communication skills is a combination of common
sense, accurate observation, reflection and application. It's a bit like
looking at the stars through a telescope for the first time. Things you
have missed with the naked eye come sharply into focus -adding
definition and meaning to what you have always taken for granted.