UPDATED Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter

Game of Thrones: You win or you die.
KickAssTorrents: You seed or it dies.


UPDATED ANITA BLAKE VAMPIRE HUNTER SERIES
includes all books in the series in multiple formats.



I is nawt Aneetah Blakes!!!
She juss looks en actz zackly like meeeee!!!
- Laurell K. Hamilton on her MarySue/avatar "Anita Blake"

Do you like reading books that have thin plots, inplausible story lines and absurd sextapositions with ridiculous avatars? Welcome to the Merry Gentry Anita Blake Series!

From the fatuous mind of Laurell K. Hamilton, The Menospausal Mistress of Extremely SiIly Porn, comes Anita Blake, Vampire Porker Hunter. She could have been the queen of, well, everything but decided not to take the job. She pretends to be a law enforcement agent but never actually works. Instead she just has a lot of awkward, poorly written sex with one-dimensional, cardboard characters. She has ladybumps, mama bits and a gun. What more could anyone want?

Before you even say it, I could not make this up. This woman tries so hard to be cool that it's embarrassing. You think I'm kidding? This Comedy Piñata just keeps pouring candy...

The Anita Blake Series Collection (Laurell K. Hamilton)

LKH brands herself edgy, and takes credit for pioneering the genre (she's never heard of all those other famous writers) and bringing BDSM and Polyamory to pulp fiction. Without any understanding of the actual concepts and, of course, no one ever wrote about kink before she did. But no one can argue Laurell K. Hamilton's not entertaining; especially with great leaps of logic, continuity issues, well-founded accusations of MarySue-itis, an absentee editor, numerous batcrap crazy blog entries and even insisting in interviews that she's forced to dye her hair lighter so no one confuses her with Anita Blake.

Would you like fries with that?

After all, this is the woman best known for her "slot A goes into slot B" IKEA style 20-some page sex scenes. Is it constant poor judgment or just bad taste? When she's not busy (1) insulting disappointed readers or (2) flipping off other authors, she's (3) posing naked in bed with two men or (4) dressing like Anita Blake to ensure she's the center of attention via a leaf blower in public. If you ever yearned to see those ham hock legs, raunchy (lack of) underthings or even snips of nasty bits, this is your big opportunity! See item 4 now so you, too, can worship The Menospausal Mistress of Extremely SiIly Porn up close and way too personal.

(1) http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/dear-negative-reader/
(2)http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com/2010/08/barfing-on-my-keyboard.html?zx=45964e545ac01242
(3)http://dearauthor.com/features/letters-of-opinion/nyt-bestelling-author-laurell-k-hamilton-has-officially-lost-her-mind
(4)http://www.flickr.com/photos/tschnack/4962395614/in/set-72157624737540489

But she is not Anita Blake, and don't you dare say so.

How bad is this series? It's so bad even her own fans ponder how to save it and that's a mighty big warning. However, if you're content to wade through the excess nonsense, can completely suspend your disbelief in everything and are adept at ignoring word and whole passage repetition, the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series may be redeemable for you... even if critics and fans alike seem to hate most of her work, ragging it as badly done and often boring soft-core porn and panning her actual lack of writing ability. Or you could read it because it's hysterically funny.

Don't be taken in by the blurbs suggesting a plot line for each book. It's a lie. The flimsiest fragments of what might have been a story are just there to barely house the badly-written silly porn. You know, the stuff you dreamed up freshman year of high school when you were stoned? In typical Hemilton style, we get nauseatingly detailed descriptions of everyone's fantastical hair and eye colour, kind of like a Care Bear Orgy, and she often forgets the logistics of her own characters and the world she's created for them.

The themes generally involve having a job you don't really work, living in a world that revolves round you, screwing your way to power and using men to hold it. Sound familiar Merry Gentry fans? Yeah. That pretty much sums up every book in the series. You've been warned, so don't snark at me in the comments section, thank you very much.

Box of wine, anyone?

Want more LKH hilarity?



100% FREE READERS!!!!
Kindle (you'll need to create an account with your email)
CometBird Browser (best alternative to Firefox to read ePub files)
ePub Reader (add on for CometBird to read ePub files)
Jarte (read text and word files)
FoxIt Reader (replaces heavy Adobe Reader for PDF files)
CDisplay (very simple Comics reader)
YACReader (a reader and library for comics and graphic novels)
Calibre - for those who want a library-like organizer for all their books
PeaZip - A better utility for opening compressed files (handles zip, 7zip, rar, etc)
Microsoft Reader for .lit files